Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize