I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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