I can't breathe out the right side of my face
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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