if i died would you start the facebook group?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
