i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
