only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
