I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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