i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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