Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
