I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
