I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just high enough for therapy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
