When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
