3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
