I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
well you can't waste a boner
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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