haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
