your parents love me but you hate me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize