Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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