every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drunk walkin through police station. America
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
as a side note pls kill me
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