Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
