Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
