I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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