Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Even my vagina gasped.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
