Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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