The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
