Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
