guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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