Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
