Old men and throwing up are my life now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
