If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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