Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
