I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
