I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
