i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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