How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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