I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
