The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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