my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize