YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
