I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
