Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
