we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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