Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
