You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
