My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
