wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
