it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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