Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
