Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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