You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
