I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
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He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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