Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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