his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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