D3 body, D1 cock
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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