wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
