You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my poor anus
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
