No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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