If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
