before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I look better un-naked...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My feet surprised me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
