I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
