i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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