its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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