I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize