he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
