you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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