mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
